Be U: Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy

I come here thinking I have nothing to say. Nothing helpful. Nothing interesting. Pretty much nothing.

I sit and I start typing. My fingers moving across the keypad. It feels good to type as it feels it has been too long.

There is plenty judgment of myself going on, apparently, as I see what I am typing.

What if I just came here with ease, love and openness. No fear. No discomfort.

What would I type from ease and an open heart and mind...

I would type that it is very windy here today. The palm trees are dancing mightily and the wind sings its song. The sun is out beautifully and it is a white-blue sky... almost a shiny, sparkling silver.

I sit on my chair and I sit tall and comfortably.

It has been an interesting time of late. A time of unknown feelings, unknown physicality and uncertain what is going down.

It is like a whole new world has opened up and some of us are seeing life and living for what it is and it can be and feel shocking, delightful and, both, a time of togetherness and aloneness.

Auto-pilot has left the building to be replaced with awareness and questions; forward moves and a newfound inner strength just may be in the making.

It doesn't always feel good, yet, I know that it is. It feels like it is... I surely seem to have my judgment mind more on than off just now.

I want to just flow. Kind of like the palm trees, but a bit less dramatic. Flow from my inner peace. I want to let my inner peace take over and guide me forward. I invite my inner peace to take over and guide me forward.

If you would like...

May you invite your own inner peace to take over and guide you forward.

This is the offering I offer to you in this moment. Deep breaths. Feeling your body relax and let go. If a thought has been plaguing you, let it go just now. You can always pick it up any other time.

May you get your inner peace on and bring it to your outer excitement of what is next. Believe in your situation. Believe in yourself. Believe in the goodness that is in your vicinity and our world.

Sometimes, it is easier to see/feel than other times. Enjoy the easy moments. Be grateful for all the moments. They are, perhaps, all here to create you into the most innate, awesome, brilliant self that you have yet to experience.

Namaste.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!