Be U: State

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

State

Our world is in quite a 'state'. I read where the sky (astrologically) has actually shifted itself. Some people talk about this great shift. The shift that has never happened before. A shift that is like no other. A shift that has been being prepared for since the beginning of time. A shift that we are all here for and signed up for and agreed to participate in (together) in our 'life contract'.

I can't confirm or deny. I can confirm how I have been feeling lately.

Tired.

I am not hungry. I find myself not thirsty. I find myself wanting to be alone, quiet and just breathing. I find time zooming by. I find myself very relaxed in my alone time. I find myself very uncomfortable in my having to do anything at all times. I know something big is going on. I know many are being challenged under great distress. I know many are being challenged deeply. I know many are learning who they are from different viewpoints.

I know much is 'in our face' and much is unlike anything we have ever experienced before.

Warped speed; strong pressures; unknown and/or uncomfortable feelings; questions that have no answers to; connections that run deep; a desire to be deeper connected; unyielding feelings and feelings that will not go away unless we deal with them direct and honestly... All these things are touching some of us. Some of these things are touching many of us. Something is touching all of us.

"In your face" the universe is saying and we cannot pretend otherwise in the way(s) we have in the past.

Your loving, true self is asking to be outed. Our fears and concerns are wanting attention. Our connections are wanting to be observed and lived through. Our hearts are wanting to be loved. Our minds are wanting to be heard. Our beings are wanting to be seen.

ALL IS OKAY.

As you bring your true self into every breath with you and wherever you go, whatever you do and as whoever you are, you are creating fulfillment deep within. This fulfillment will give you peace and this peace will grow through all of us and our world will be the world that most of us, if not all of us, truly want to reside and move around in.

It is time for a big world hug. It is time for unity in humanness. It is time to open the door to vulnerability to tap into everything that is meant for each one of us to experience, to learn, to grow and become.

It is time for us to meet ourselves where we are at and support the 'best of version' of each one of us.

I send out energy, you pick it up as love. You send out energy, I pick it up as love. We send out energy, we pick it up as love.

We let love lead us. We let love show us.

We don't fight pain and hurt with pain and hurt. We deal with pain and hurt through love; our own love. We don't answer hurt with hurt. We answer hurt with love. We don't answer anger with anger, we answer anger with empathy and compassion.

As best we can, we move forward in this way.

We become the healer and healed or we stay the hurt and hurting.

I want to be healed and the healer. I can only do me. You can only do you.

We live on.

May you live on from where you are now as to where you want to be as to who you want to be. This is where we are.

This is the choice we are being shown to step into. Just maybe...

May you step on up... or is it under... or is it in... You have the power to make a difference. What you do; how you step makes the difference.

May you be aware of the difference you are making and may you feel great fulfillment in this choice.

The time is now.

May prayer, love, the Universe; God show you who you are meant to be and show you the way to be so...

You matter. You are love(d). You do make a difference. You and your heart and your choices rock the world.

May you rock us all gently, lovingly, openly, truthfully, faithfully, and superbly.

You are where you are for real reason. May you accept, learn, live it and share it from your most respectful of places... deep within yourself.

The true and loving 'state' of you is needed. You are needed.

May you show up.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!