Be U: Unusual

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Unusual

I have been a bit tired and eating a bit more lately.

I feel I am eating so I don't fall asleep and/or to keep myself awake.

I am feeling a bit more angry and frustrated in moments as well.

I feel challenged to let in peace and I can't seem to find 'easy' easily. Ha.

Being uncomfortable from overeating can make me angry as well. Not getting enough sleep can make me irritable.

Is it human to go against what we know is good for us... Me thinks yes, at times, it is exactly this... being human.

How wonderful it would be to know that my belly is full and to stop eating. How wonderful it would be to know that my body and mind are tired and sleep. How wonderful would it be to say yes when I want to and no when it brings me into the healthiest of myself...

We are all doing the best that we can. Where we are right now is, perhaps, exactly where we are supposed to be. Being challenged with what our challenges are is the exact lesson that arrives in perfect timing; perfect play.

Life is cycles, a circle, a challenge and a chance to create what is inside of us out. It is the journey of our life that we are here to experience. Is it best not to judge; only to experience. Is it in the experience that we create our destination and 'feel' our way.

We can start over any moment. We can do different within every breath. We can choose awareness. We can choose not to know or see certain things. We can choose love and honesty. We can choose hate and dishonesty. We can choose any variation of any feeling at any time. And, we do...

May you choose to be aware and to take your best step forward from exactly where you are.

May you be easy on yourself when you don't. May you let love lead and when you don't, may you know that you can try again; start over. Sometimes there are no re-do's and we must still go forward. Sometimes in the re-do, we do better.

May you meet yourself where your life is at. May you be open to creating the thinking that will think you right into the life that is your destiny. May you know this is your destiny because it feels so; you are good at it; it supports our world; and it comes from the depth of your soul--your inner knowing. Your destiny just feels right; feels true; lets you feel the most like you.

Perhaps, if what you are doing does not float your boat - take one step (baby step or not) in the direction of what feels more like you.

I will say no to overeating. I will say yes to resting and sleep. I will do me again and again and again no matter how many times it takes to get me to the path that is available to only me.

In my unusualness I find my uniqueness. In my uniqueness, I find my super power. In my super power, I find my purpose. In my purpose, I find my destiny.

And, really when these words are all written and done, what matters most is that I connect to my breath through love, honor, respect, trust and believing that I am right where I am supposed to be and everything is okay.

Being human doesn't mean that we are happy and content all the time. Being an 'enlightened' human doesn't mean that everything is easy.

Living the truth of what is and bringing the truth of who we are together is the way, just maybe, of creating the best paths forward for successful and generous experiences.

May you let the version of yourself carry on that connects to what is peace and what is ease. Loving our own selves is the way. When we love our own self, perhaps, all we can share is love...

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!