Be U: That One Person

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

That One Person

I hope it is true for you that we all have (at least) that one person who just gets us. Who knows us. Who we consider to be a lifeline to our truest of selves for. Who just lets us be...

I just talked to this person. I know such gratitude that I can speak my scariest and most embarrassing thoughts to and I am still okay. I am still loved. I am more me than ever.

A lifeline that connects my heart to my world and opens me up to acceptance and simple understanding.

May you have your own lifeline; whatever that looks, sounds, or feels like to you. A lifeline that connects your heart to your world of acceptance and simple understanding.

Conversation energizes me. Truth makes me stronger. Vulnerability makes me bigger. Love grounds me.

I can easily say that a part of me doesn't like what I see myself doing. What I see myself doing is nothing. Going nowhere. Goal-less in my actions.

However, I am reaching deep within. Sitting with stillness. Just what if this is way more productive than what it looks like... Just what if there is way more going on here than my eyes and my human brain can tell...

It is hard for me to admit that this is what I need, want and am just now. There is no desire within me that is strong enough to change me in the here and now.

And, talking with this one person - I connect to the part of me that lets me be okay. Lets it be okay. Allows me to embrace and believe in divine timing and that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

How do I know this....

Is it as simple an answer as 'because this is where I am at'...

Just what if you are exactly where you belong because it is exactly where you are at... Just what if you decide that this is enough for you to believe, know and live just now... just as you are... you are enough...

We can know great turmoil as there are overwhelming amounts of information and stories to process what they mean to us and how we live in and through everything that comes our way. It is huge stuff going on. It is gigantic how quickly and deeply we are being asked to learn anew.

All I can think just now is

May you let your light shine... Let it be exactly what it is... Let you be exactly what you are...

As you bring your true self to the forefront, your truest and best paths will emerge.

What comes next doesn't matter as much as what is now...

May you open up to what is now and just allow it and you to breathe...

Stop the war within... Just breathe.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!