Be U

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Laryngitis

As I come here against my own great fear, I have experienced some things since I had my 'visit' to my new Rheumatologist here in Florida.

Two of the medicines I was asked to try did not work out as I experienced great itching and laryngitis almost immediately. (Layrngitis can stand for being so angry one cannot speak...per Louise Hay in her book "You Can Heal Your Life".)

I feel confused and saddened that every time I go to use my hands (because that is where my sore thumbs are), I experience a shooting pain and a discomfort that I'd rather not experience.

It is once again Christmas time and I am blessed to have a family that will do much of the decorating while allowing me to put some of my opinions in and they honor me by listening to some of them (ha).

I feel tired to even have a conversation with the doctor. I feel close to giving up as I believed this 'pain' to be behind me since I am now living in the sunshine state; a place I knew I wanted to live in since I was 17... I feel I had it figured out and that I would not get any more sores since I was pretty much sore free for over a year.

I'm mad at myself that I don't feel better and cannot do better than what is my truth for today. I'm resting more, I'm sitting more, I'm more angry at my truth.

I know God/the Universe works on their time, their schedule, their 'knowing'. I know in the big picture these things are not so big. But during the processing of 'it', it feels BIG.

To just wash my hair, hold an IPad, pet my cat, pull up the covers -- OUCH. So, I do my best. I walk on through what is my truth and I allow the ugly feeling of anger. Maybe some day I will allow it and not call it 'ugly'. That would be a good hoot in my book... I remember days when I did not know how to connect to anger because of my belief that it is ugly.

Is it because the temperature has changed even though it is not cold, it is 30 deg F cooler than what it was. It is the stress of moving, the stress of selling my beloved house in not the easiest of circumstances, is it my family all under one roof.... Yes, yes, yes and maybe yes.....?!?!?!

And does it really matter why... I always thought that if I knew the why, I would know the answer.

Perhaps, the unknown why's and the unknown answers are just a part of our human experience. They must be because we all have them.

May you just live in your truth and love yourself through and trust and believe you are right where you are supposed to be and 100% guaranteed - change is coming. So be happy in this moment as best you can and allow this moment to live through you as everything that you are, feel and do.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Just 9Be U

I am finding myself more and more on Facebook and Twitter as I feel I have less to share here that would be helpful and that I would know how to share freely and easily as I process many new feelings and situations within my own life and my own self.

I am living daily in the every day 'stuff' that has to be done as I create this next chapter of my life through action and connection outside of myself.

I am finding myself with less free time as my daughter and husband are home 50-75% more than they have been in the past.

I know our world is at an all time 'loud', perhaps, exasperating level, full of contemplation and awareness. I believe we see and feel and are less afraid of our true selves than we have ever been as a whole.

It is still not easy to 'see' everything that is right in front of us. However, I think more and more of us are understanding and buying into the belief (because it feels rightly so) that to love and take care of our true and unique self, we are better able and more available to be kind, have love and share light and darkness with each other with more success and ease.

This is a good thing. The more kind, loving and open we are and supporting each other to be the same, the more we feel our worthiness and that our own priority, destination and reason for being here is to live our true and best self.

May you believe in your own worthiness as I do.

I believe you are here now (just as you are) because this is your worth and our guide to a more fulfilled life and world. And, your worth is great.

Worthy on; from the inside out.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Shambala

It looks like we have found an owner for our house up north. We are going through the paperwork and negotiations and hope to have it no longer a physical part of us before the end of the year.   Moving on and from this expense and commitment will be a truly 'opening' part of our lives to move forward wholly.

It is bittersweet. I wish the new owner much success and happiness in that awesome, loving, beautiful, and exciting home as they make it their own.

It was our 'Shambala'.   It hasn't been for some time and it was too hurtful to think of it as this identity instead of just a beautiful piece of real estate.

I wrote this on my 'Just 9BeU' Facebook page.   Thank you for being 'here' to let me share this with you...

"Shambala... A place of peace and harmony for all living things.

May we create and know 'Shambala' here and now.

Shambala lives on if we allow it and participate as such.

May you live on Shambala in all that have 'experienced' you and in all that will continue to create their own version of Shambala until we truly blend as one. I believe in Shambala. I believe in you."

May you have your own version of Shambala-ing on.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Wondrous Lime

I really have no corresponding words for the above picture. I just enjoyed this lime so much, I wanted to share it with you.

This is a picture of a lime I picked from my new back yard. It was the most juiciest, richest smelling lime I have ever had the pleasure to enjoy! Truly!

I am grateful for this little wondrous lime.

May you be grateful for the little wondrous things in your life. May you notice them more and more.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Your Story; 'Their' Story....

Unknown

As

As I sit at this computer listening to the water trickling in the fountain, watching the fronds of the palm trees blow haphazardly in the warm wind; As I feel the tight skin on my face and the dryness of my skin; As I 'hear' my fingers that want to reach out and know fullness and softness, I wonder what it is I will 'type' about today.

Yesterday, the sore on my thumb, while walking the dogs, got 'in the way' of the leash and my affected skin pulled up and away from the thumb. Where usually infection (pus) shows itself when this happens, healthy blood decided to show up instead. As it hurt so terribly that I wanted to run from it (and the pain that I was experiencing), I was overjoyed to see the beautiful red flow freely.

I have found a website on Facebook that has all scleroderma patients linked together sharing and talking about their experience(s) with the little known and (what can be) hugely devastating disease.

I do not want to be one of them. I do not want to speak, think, talk, or experience what they do. Yet, some of this is my truth. I can see and hear myself in their communications. I can feel myself experience what many of them experience.

UGH.

We are very much the same in many ways. We are very different in many ways.

May you live You as only you can and may you give yourself permission to be your unique self. May you be uniquely you.

I support you to be your greatest unique self as humanly and as spiritually as possible.

"Be-You-tiful" (Unknown)

Unknown

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Rheumatologist

I went to a new Rheumatologist (arthritis(scleroderma)) doctor today with the goal of finding and connecting to a (a new 'my') doctor here in Florida. It was interesting as this was a new connection for me. I was comfortable as I could be with my Pennsylvania doctor after knowing and working with him for over 30 years (on a regular basis). We worked together to keep me alive and to be able to thrive as wonderfully as I did.

We pretty much started where the other one left off. However, this doctor did give me a drug that 'rubberizes' red blood cells in hope that my blood will be able to flow better through the small capillaries in my fingertips.

I felt more like a 'sick person' during the visit than before I arrived.

I am asked to get a pulmonary (lungs) test; an echocardiogram (heart) test and more blood testing -- 'just to see where we are'. It is a fine idea. It is not a fun idea.

I'm settle into my quiet self as I allow this new path to take root within my being. What feels best for me... What is my greatest path to go down just now... Where does my 'wholeness' want to take me... How am I in this moment and where do I feel/know/believe I want to be going forward...

May you always live your life through love, gentle strength, awareness and kindness. Perhaps, this is where our greatest growth happens and our greatest paths open up. To be true and authentic in every breath we take allows our most true and authentic paths to show up for us.

Unknown

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!