Be U: Boring

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Boring

I don't want to be boring and the only thing I can think to write about just now is my move. Our move from the 'country' to the 'ocean'.

Man, it isn't easy. I have moved so many times into so many different places over my lifetime and I am finding that it is getting less fun, less easy and more unsettling instead of easy, fun and exciting like it has been known to be for me.

Is it I am more stuck in ways of how I want it to feel instead of being open to feeling whatever it is I am feeling and open myself up to the excitement that, this alone, can create... Yes.

Is it that learning new ways feels more scary to me as I am getting older and looking at life through a shorter life span than I've ever experienced before... Yes.

I remember telling my 92 year old client to update her bathroom; if she gets one day in it, it will be worth it. So, I want to be open to creating this new life. If I get decades in it, it will be worth it...

LOL How interesting how easy it is to see when our emotions and own life isn't at stake for big change.

Give it to me Universe. This is the life that I always knew I would go back to. Please give it to me and be as gentle and easy on me as possible.

Going from a house to a condo has many more rules. I like rules because they help regulate and keep things pretty and absolute. I don't like rules because some of them I don't want to adhere to! Ha!

Next Wednesday is the big day. Next Wednesday a truck will pull up and take what I ask of them to the condo and leave what is here that will not go to the condo. We will either rent this house out or sell it. Either way, we are leaving enough behind.

What comes forward with me are things that remind me of wonderful times, things I enjoy seeing on a daily basis and things that give me comfort in my everyday life. How blessed I am.

So, forward I go with all my blessings. Forward I go with hope, faith, trust, belief and a sheer knowing that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing next. Fear is with me. And an inner knowing of possible awesomeness is too. Which one will I let win... I say and choose 'awesomeness'.

This is what I want to live my truth out of. So I shall.

May you know what it is you wish to live your truth out of and from. May you let it be so. Perhaps, now; right now in this moment. Bam. Do You from exactly where you are at this moment. Open life up to YOU.

Amen. And so it is.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!