Be U: Embrace Solemnity

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Embrace Solemnity

I come here with a sad heart and being. I feel heavy and weighed down. I feel lost in this feeling. I feel an excitement present as well.

I'm hearing things like "Embrace the suck."
Look behind the curtain of your heart.
What is transcendent and/or your purpose of you being alive.
If you are supporting another human, there is nothing small about your part in the world.
Everything happens for a reason.

Perhaps, many of us are searching whether we know it or not.

I'm talking with people that are feeling anxious, hurt, stressed, concerned, scared.

I'm talking with people that are pushing on, embracing the life they created and/or creating.

I'm talking with people who may be under a false identity because being true to one's self doesn't seem right.

Most everyone is looking at life differently than they ever have before.

Just what if we all did just decide to embrace everything in our life as it is just now. It is okay to be open to an easier way; to believe in ease. What if embracing what is a part of us now opens us up to this ease and fulfillment that we are searching for.

What if everything we encounter is for our highest good. What if accepting is a much better way than searching.

What if what comes to us, comes to us whether we are searching or accepting; fighting or allowing.

The basis of our entire life is already set and in the acceptance of what is, we take the path that fulfills us the most.

It is in this fulfillment that matters most. We don't lie on our deathbed wishing we worked more. We lie on our deathbed wishing we were always love. We hope we made a difference. We hope our life meant something to someone. When we are living between these two worlds, the 'majesticness' of it is present and felt.

My wish is for us all to embrace our truth, our own love, our inner journey outside from within.

There are so many more things bigger than just one of us.

May you connect to what is bigger than you. Because, in truth, it is you.

May you live in this bigness; the source that is in all life.

May we create our world from here.

May we embrace our own calling and support one another to do the same.

In this, just maybe, we connect to a piece of heaven on earth.

We are heaven. We are the earth. We are hell.

We have it all carrying it inside of us.

It is up to each of us to choose the life we want to live, participate in and be remembered by.

People may not remember our names, what we look like, what we said, but we all remember how we felt connecting to another.

I want to feel whole, kind, helpful, supportive and fun.

May you know how you want to feel and connect to these feelings, as often as possible, with every encounter you experience.

If we are supposed to feel pain, may we also know the awesome that comes with the pain. May you always know the awesome that comes with your pain.

Namaste.

On and on and on.... until there is no breath within us.

Solemnity - let your own [when it is knocking] happen.

May you always grow deeper into you.

Oh, the beauty of you...

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!