Be U: I Sit

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

I Sit

I sit here after 'googling' items in search for certain things that I am interested in. How easy and fun looking for necessary (and unnecessary) items these days. The convenience is amazing. The search is a few words and the outcome is up to us whether we purchase it or not. If we choose to purchase items(s), we sit and wait or go about our business and wait and they appear at our own front door or in our mailbox. The only way it can be any more convenient and fun is if someone else would purchase the item(s) for us.

Yet, there is such a productive and prideful feeling in working hard to achieve and purchase our own 'stuff'. It is freeing and it can be a powerful feeling. Self-fondness and pride grow pretty quickly. I hope everyone gets to experience this freeing feeling.

One of the best 'gifts' we can give our children is to teach them how to live a life like this that creates and builds self-worth and self-confidence. Oh yes. !

I went to a doctor today. I still don't feel like my back is supported through the medical world of Florida completely. The medical system does not have my back like I felt it did in my old state. I have one doctor who stands out with a helpful ear and helpful advice. I have some that seem to just be present in my life because I've been told I have a dis-ease and my body and mind took on the belief of same. I am saying to myself that it is time to heal; time to not hold on to the belief of a disease in my body and/or mind. Let peace enter every cell of my being.

I know our bodies know how to heal itself if, when and how we get out of its way and support it, as best we can, to do so.

I find myself still in my own way at times. And, I have learned to step aside and let it be and allow healing. I am in the throes of both just now. But, healing is present and I'm excited about this.

It is my mindset and my experiences that create my life. Oh, this being human is not the easiest of challenges for me.!.

May you give your mind positive thoughts and love and trust yourself and your experiences to lead you home to your best self.

No, we cannot purchase this. We must allow it, grow it, and believe in it.

It can be so. What is in your being that feels positive and fulfilling can be so. May you open yourself up to it. May it be so.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!