What's On My Mind

My mind is constantly on this man that is my father suffering in the hospital.  It's hard for me to keep from thinking about this.

Does this mean that maybe it's my best option to go down there and be physically there as well.

I'm not calm or doing much good here while my thinking is elsewhere. In fact, I'm going to bed nervous and waking up nervous.  Is this my inner knowing telling me where I would be best there living my truest self.
The answer 'yes' to go is so fraught with frustration, sorrow, guilt and fear.  Frustation figuring out how to just get up and go.  Sorrow in leaving my loved ones at this special time of year.  Guilt is leaving my loved ones at Christmas time as well.  Fear because once I get down there - what would it be like and what would I be expected to do.  Am I able and willing to do these things.

Peace in thinking he is not down there enduring this alone if I go.

What's a woman with a sick father, that I haven't had a great human relationship with, to do.

Are you listening, hearing and acting on what is going on in your head? Is it a choice to hear it, ignore it or even a little of both? 

In truth, I've spent more time (in my head) in North Carolina, USA than where my body is in Pennsylvania.  Can I be in charge of this behavior.  This is what I'm going to 'play with' today.

I'm currently not too sane on this subject.

Maybe sanity is not what it's all cracked up to be.  Ha.   Get it....sanity...cracked up!  lol