Uh Oh

I find it difficult to make a phone call this morning.  A phone call to just order food delivery.

I feel myself shaking, resisting, nervous and anxious.  I am very uncomfortable.

My hands are purple.

I gently force myself to breathe.  I notice numbness sensation in my face and my fingers.  Tingly sensations in my arms and my toes.  The tip of my nose feels swollen.  My eyes see differently as my cheeks and forehead seem swollen.

Where does this uncomfortableness come from...  Why does this fear show up...  Why do I notice such things...  Who am I with this...  Who am I without this...

I am still love.   I am always me.  I gratefully breathe open and through.

"I open myself to life flowing through me and for me."

I breathe.   I let my shoulders relax.  I put my feet flat on the floor.  I feel the chair underneath me supporting me.  I am.

Sometimes there is such a war within myself.  Knowing and being in discomfort.  Knowing and being in love.  Knowing and just being...

We all have things in our lives, that perhaps, we would change...  But would we..  What challenge would we choose if we truly are supposed to be challenged in this human form; if we do need to experience challenge(s).

There is not a different challenge that I know of that I would choose.  I know I can work in, through and beyond the challenge of 'scleroderma'.  I have been doing it for 40 plus years.

What if we don't have to be challenged in this human form.  What if, as these things come up for us, we accept them, feel them, acknowledge them and walk forward through them...

Is this choosing acceptance in what is... allowing what we feel and loving through with [what may be the strongest thing we can create] gentle strength.

I am not in the throes of fun.  I am not in the throes of ease.  I am in the throes of what my life is showing up as in this moment.

So, I made the call and food is on the way...  Whoop...!

Whatever 'battle' shows up for you today - if one does -

May you bring your true and loving self into it with gentle strength.  May you be your own best friend.

I believe in the process of life.  We are all survivors and we all thrive.  We all achieve.  We all fail.  We all breathe.  May we all just be who and what we are; from the most loving place available to us in each moment and situation.