Loong Time

I hope this post finds you well.  I hope this post finds you filled with yourself.  I hope this post finds you in peace and harmony. 

I hope this post gives you hope.

It has been a very long time since I have posted.  How time can get away from us.  How we can delve so deep into our own lives and others' lives that are right in front of us, that time has no meaning or understanding.  It just is.  We just do.  We just live.  We function and survive as best we can.  We love through it as best we can.  We breathe through it because we were built to do so.  We go onward or stay still.  We learn to bring our selves to each moment as best we can.  Sometimes, we blink and the moment is gone.

This is how it has been for me.  I am still dealing with pharmacists.  As of today, it is an 'insurance' problem to fill a drug.  I am tired.  I am very tired.  I don't have much left in me to deal with doctors, pharmacists and appointments outside of matters of my health; more inside the matters of the law.  I don't find it anywhere near fun.  Quite the opposite, in fact.

I am feeling worse because I'm letting myself be the 'bad' person; the 'wrongdoer' and I'm not liking this feeling.  I do have moments where I stand firmly in my truth, share it, speak it and live it.  Other times, I lose energy and just do not have it in me to tell 'my story' yet again.

I don't know if this is me changing my story.  I know it is not me giving up.  I will walk each day and bring my truest of self to the moment to the best of my ability.  Sometimes, I am awesome.  Sometimes, not so.

I am grateful for the one month that getting my medicine was easy breezy.  It was wonderful.  I told myself I figured it out. 

Then, this month came and I find myself in fear and uncared for.

These are just the things that I tell myself.  I respond to the things I tell myself.  May I start talking better, more supportive things to myself. 

May you say supportive things to yourself more than anything.