Realization

I know I am 'just being'.  I'm wanting to do very little and rest; even nap.  For more than a week now (if I were being honest, probably at least three weeks) I have been more or less doing this, yet, there has been some guilt and fear about it.  Doing what feels good to/for me - oh my!?!?! 

Today, as I awake from a 1/2 hour nap, I'm feeling good.  Calm, enriched, fulfilled.

I realize and feel that this is what I used to do when I worked full time at the electric company many decades ago.   I would work and play very hard and every so often, on a regular basis, I would need to take down time and just rest, hang, eat and be. 

Since having a child, over 20 years ago, I did not allow myself to do this.  Now, that she is becoming her own woman and I have complete certainty that she can handle and take care of herself (yet, I will always be here cheering for her), I am letting go of my need to always be on; always be at the ready in case she needs me.

She now needs me much less.  In reality, it has been this way for some time; yet, I wasn't ready to let go.   I am now.  A whole lot of feelings, emotions, love, strength, weakness comes with this letting go.  And, just now, I'm allowing my whole self to let go.  Let down my guard; let go of the responsibility of; and to take some time off and recharge who and what I am.

I just realized that this is what I am doing. It is taking longer than a day or two because it has been 20 years of me not allowing myself to let go except in extremely small and rare circumstances--me always being, working, and playing (sometimes) hard.   I now give myself permission to recharge and this feels awesome to my soul.

May you do what feels awesome to your soul. 

Same flower - different lighting.

Same soul - different allowances

May you be the difference you want to experience in your life.