I come here resisting creating a post because my arms and legs scream and my discomfort is high and my strength level is low.
Being on a scleroderma website on Facebook is surely giving me new words for how I feel. I'm not sure if I like it or I really dislike it and I keep going back. I cannot help myself!
Yes, Facebook is pulling me in. The similar experiences, the like-minded people, the sharing of thoughts and the possibility for seeing things in a new way are pretty exciting. Also, being able to share myself to a broad range of people feels very invigorating (for the most part).
I am currently waiting for a PhD to return my call and see if she will discuss with me dependency vs. addiction and possible ways to discover if it is the pain medicine my body wants or if it is my desire for the physical pain to stop (and everything in between). I am also wondering what is causing the pain. Is it the dis-ease of scleroderma and/or the side affects and possible toxins of the pain medicine. It feels vicious to me just now.
I'm not sure my body, like my mind, knows the difference between dependency and addiction either.
I know I hurt. I know I'm low on pain medicine. I know I feel mostly unsupported by this new rheumatologist just now. I know this creates all this wonder. It comes to a head as I've been having this underlying 'concern' for a while now.
I wonder, again, if this is my time to go it alone. To break away from what was and create what will be while walking lovingly through what is.
LOL. Truly, all I know is what I am sharing.
May you be where you are; connect to your truth as much as possible and may you create your world in which you live from this truth of all that you are.
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