My Little Bear is still not herself. It is hard for me to watch and not be able to change it for her. I will love her through with the vet's help.
I haven't been to the gym since she has gotten sick. I tell myself I don't want to leave her more than I have to. I know she is mostly okay just lying while I'm not here. I also have guilt of not being here if she needs me or were to get more sick. I see a pattern here. One that is not in my best interest, most likely. The pattern is thinking that I know what another needs; when in reality, I, 100%, do not know for certain. And, in reality, I don't take care of my needs thinking this way. OR is this taking care of my needs as I get comfort in being here with her... Oh, the complexity and depth of my/our human brain. It can be wonderful; it can be a challenge.
I have been doing push ups and some other floor work. I have not done actual weights and I have not done cardio movement for 30 minutes or more at a time. I surely feel different. I don't feel as 'alive' and I don't feel as strong and I don't feel as happy. I know this and, yet, here I stay instead of going to the gym. Egad
We are looking for houses. We are moving forward. The house up north is clearing out and no one has claimed it as theirs yet. I stand and move as best I can in the middle of the storm of transition.
May you enjoy where you are settled and not take it for granted. Enjoy it; bask in it. May you know gratefulness that you have comfort of knowing where you 'belong', if only for now.
If you are like me and uncertain because you are not deeply rooted in the comfort of what you are about just now; may you take in what is and allow love, gratitude, openness and awareness guide you. We can still connect to happiness. I believe.
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