I've known one bad experience with sleep sedation and my animals. It seems to be a huge fear of mine. And, with little Tiffany being so tiny, I find myself frightened of her discomfort. I know that I need to do this for her to stop her ongoing discomfort and get her mouth healthy again. And, with it coming up on tomorrow, I find myself turning off; and I know that this is not the direction I want to go and that this will not change the outcome....hmm.
I know that the best course for me is to believe that I am helping her and the help outweighs the negative. I know that I have a competent doctor and I am here waiting with great love to help through her healing process. I know it's my best choice.
Yet, I wish I had a better choice. At this point, it seems I either do it or do not have it done.
So, as I find myself oscillating between the fear of hurt and the certainty of helpfulness -- it is very uncomfortable.
My breathing gets shallow, my body goes numb, my ears ring louder on one side of my thinking. The other side is that I am grateful that Tiffany can get help. I am grateful that I am able to pay for it. I am grateful to have this little thing with big personality in my life.
Is this a choice I make to move forward with... Can I choose the best path with trust and some ease....
With only two weeks left before I head back down to Florida, I know unsettledness. I know my home is within myself.
I want to be strong within myself and not waver so much. I want trust, love, and light circulating through my veins and not fear, darkness and stagnation.
In this minute, I choose love. In this minute, I choose trust. In this minute, I breathe deeply.
May you be aware of what you may or may not be choosing.
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