Ah ha

I had a big 'aha' moment this morning.  While working with my husband (it's just a quick mention of him...ha) taping up boxes to ship to Florida, he asked me not to make the tape crinkle when I cut it.  Now, with my hands and holding scissors - - well, it's not a 'normal' grasp that I have.  So, when he said this with the intent that the tape be tightly sealed on the box, I took it as I might as well not live.  (yes, quite the drama queen).  I did feel right away that he was being mean and I got very sad and cried.

Later, this wonderful man was brave enough to ask me why I was so sad and cried.  I said that I can't grasp the scissors easily and his question reminded me I'm not perfect.  (oooooooo)

I realized right then and there (after dropping the pan lid onto the stove with a loud thunk, not being able to lift a pot to dump some food onto a plate easily -- that I have to accept that I'm not the person that wants to go out on Christmas Eve and be happy, festive, comfortable and able to do most things.  I am not this person.   I am a person that is not always strong, hurts in the cold, can't quickly or easily grab onto things, takes longer than most to eat and aches all the time.

I can, however, love and mingle, celebrate and share.  I can't put a pair of earrings on in under a minute and I can't change my own bracelets and necklaces.  However, I have bracelets and necklaces!

So, the sooner I be the person I am than the person I see myself as in a false light, the sooner I will be whole.  I will be me - all of me.  The good and not so good, the pleasant and not so pleasant.  BUT, I will be me.

Can I do this?  I don't know.   Am I going to try?  You betcha.

I continue on.

As you continue on your journey, may you love yourself through.