Last Few Days

I'm having my last few days with my wonderful Australian Shepherd.  The joy that he has brought into my life and the lives of many who come to visit.  Durby would always greet everyone and he has been loved by many.

I'm watching him suffer to get up and walk.  I'm watching him as he shows signs of confusion and just wanting to be around me and near me.

I'm hugging him and kissing him.  I am thanking him for the gift of himself.  I am thanking him for giving me one of the greatest joys I have known thus far.

This feels impossible at moments.  And, at other times, I am grateful.  Grateful to have had him in my life 13 years; grateful that he does not have to suffer long.  Grateful to have options to hold him and let him go.

Life is hard to understand for me at times.  The joy I accept much more freely than the pain.  Yet, without pain, would I truly know what joy feels like.   I do not know.

I only know that there is a gamut of feelings/emotions/thoughts/actions to live through and I want to accept and embrace them as best as I can.

May you embrace the gamut of your life as best as you can.