Alone

I am realizing that, at times, I feel alone.   Interesting enough, however, is that I feel alone and, yet, this is what I am creating.

Friends ask to come over; I say no.  People ask me to meals or movies, I say no.  Family asks me to functions, I say no.

I feel alone and sad.  Yet, this is what I have created.  I can change this at anytime I choose.  Yet, I choose to stay alone.  

I am not always sad when I am alone.  I like my alone time.   I enjoy doing what I want, when I want, and how I want without interference or compromise. 

I am sad when I choose to be alone and this isn't what I really want.  I push others away.  I am not sure why. 

I am learning about me.  What a strange array of me-ness I am.

Great friends and family are saying I am analyzing too much.  Perhaps, this is true.  Pain has brought me to it.  I guess I will stop analyzing when it is my time to stop analyzing. 

Where does your life have you?  Is it YOU or are we by-products of our life situations?  If you are happy, carry on.   If you are not happy inside, perhaps, it's time to let things down instead of carrying them with you.....