Is This Me Walking Through

All these strange posts  All these unexpected thoughts and feelings  All of this embarrassment and shame

Is this just me walking through my life.  Are these just thoughts and feelings knocking at my door and if I allow them and process them, will I find myself somewhere else.

I think so.

I am believing that I have nothing to lose.  I'm hobbling around.  I'm not very energetic.  Smiles are not coming up at the speed of a machine gun shooting bullets.  My head is befuddled.

Befuddled - to confuse with statement or arguments (dictionary.com)

I can literally feel inside my brain movement and swirling that is 'resetting my computer'.  It is scary because it is unknown.  It is uncomfortable because it's different.  I am literally dizzy and blank.

I have never, ever gone here before.  I feel like a complete goof.  I am just going to go with it because I have nothing to lose. 

Am I being brave - maybe.  Am I being strange - yes, definitely.  Am I typing it like it comes - you bet.

So, as I'm walking through my gunk and cleaning it up, I admit I am not having fun.  I am lost in my own world.  I have promise of a new, better tomorrow inside of me.  I'm willing it to ignite and burst like a beautiful mushroom explosion of light, energy and color.

Gunk - (too funny, it's a real word)  any sticky or greasy residue or accumulation (dictionary.com) 

I sure hope this is me walking through it and not staying stuck in it.

                                         A flood from no known resource in our first floor basement.